Today is the first time I’m writing you. If I was brave, I’d tell you that yesterday I was struggling with a lot of anxiety. I was doing my taxes and that always gives me anxiety. I wrote you an email the day before, it was what gave me the energy to sit down and do my tax returns. I think of you often. About what we could see together in Berlin, what kind of things I could give you as gifts. I think about what I would say when you leave, and how sad it would make me. And I also think about how amazing it will be to wake up next to you. How unreal it will feel. How happy you will make me. I also think of you as a real-life person, I want to make love to you, I want to hold you and make gentle love to you, and I want to have rough sex with you, and I want to touch and kiss you and I want to slap your amazing buttocks. I want to feel your warmth sitting next to me, and I want to show you all the things that I have collected over the years, all the objects and all the books, and I want to hear what you think of them. I wanna hear your beautiful voice while I hold your hand. Thinking of you makes me so happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes I wish you responded faster to my whatsapp messages, but I also know I can’t demand anything from you, and that when you do respond, it’s always something so beautiful, it’s always worth every minute of the wait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m sitting at the airport now, trying to get to Z. for a conference. I’m really looking forward to taking pictures of Z. and sending them to you. It’ll be wonderful to share them with you, and it’s a great excuse to write you. I love writing you. I’d like to say I don’t know why\u2026 but\u2026 I do. You were magnificently lovely to me in D., so gentle and kind. I remember sitting at the very back, on the first day, and I just couldn’t stop thinking of you. I had all these feelings come to me. At first I was enjoying them, then I got terrified — what am I imagining? Why? I tried letting them go, but it didn’t work. They kept coming back to me. So then I decided to just let them\u2026 be. Just let them be there, with me. When you came knocking at my door, it was so good, like some kind of fairy tale. I miss lying next to you on that bed. It was a beautiful place to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today is the first time I’m writing you. If I was brave, I’d tell you that yesterday I was struggling with a lot of anxiety. I was doing my taxes and that always gives me anxiety. I wrote you an email the day before, it was what gave me the energy to sit down and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57,"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15\/revisions\/57"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.occasionsoflove.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}