Today I’d tell you about my bag I almost lost while having a beer with my colleague. I always lose things, and while I often find them again, I feel so bad that I do. In these moment, I really would love to cuddle up to you and get some hugs to feel less bad about myself. I also thought a lot about you today — yesterday we had a WhatsApp conversation about having sex and it was so nice but also a bit enigmatic. The way you expressed yourself, looking forward to “experiencing you again” — it can be read in this really beautiful way, where you think of me and our time as something beautiful that you want again. And it can be looked as something that one experiences, without really being part of, like eating a candy. I know you almost certainly meant it in the first way, but my mind can’t stop thinking about what if you meant it in the second way.
I wanna have you in my arms and just hold you and be afraid of saying things that matter. It’s so hard. I wanna say some beautiful things, but at the same time, words are just words, they can only go so far. To really make a difference, we need actions and time. I wanna have so much time with you. I was talking with someone here about British letterboxes (maybe I’ll get to show you the funny book I have on them), and it reminded me that I could just fly to London. We could go around together, we could be together. I am not sure how well you’d take this idea. But being with you would make me so happy. Fuck, I really miss being happy. I am so looking forward to seeing you. It will be a time full of wonder and beauty. I wanna be next to you and just hear your mind wonder. Miss you, Amber. I miss you.